Men are often seen as the simpler sex, with obvious motives and clearly defined wants from a relationship, but how true is this? With a lot of men, it seems that way more often than not. The truth is, a lot of men aren’t like that.
We forget that men have the same hang ups in relationships that we do; after all, the way society positions men as ‘players’ and teaches them to go after as many women as they can to validate their ego is just as common as the stereotypes women shoulder.
One thing we women are constantly wondering about is a man’s fears when it comes to a committed relationship; is he scared to commit? What’s going to make him run a mile? What’s going on in that head of his?
Time and time again, I have seen these questions come up, whether it’s from friends and family, or someone else; these are the questions I have found to be most common when it comes to men and relationships.
#1: Am I The Best She’s Ever Had?
Of course, you say, but does he know that? Sexual intimacy is the litmus test of a relationship nowadays, so a lot of the time, he’s wondering whether he’s at the top of your list when it comes to performance and satisfaction. Remember, it’s common for men to value their performance in bed very highly. This might be something bugging him you may not know about.
#2: Do I Make Enough Money?
Another part of life that affects his ego is his breadwinning ability. He considers his income one of the ways to ‘be a man’, and he might take it personally should you be out-earning him or should he not be earning enough to support your wants/needs. While you may have given no indication of needing more financial support from him, he may have gotten it into his head that he must earn more.
Will She Still Respect Me?
This is probably one of the most common fears men face when thinking about a relationship. Losing respect is like losing love for men. You might want to take a look at the respect principle guide by James Bauer and learn how you can use it to keep your man forever.
#3: How Good A Father Will I Be?
This is more common than you might think. He wants to be a big part of his child’s life, but often wonders how much potential he has in that role. Will he be supportive and caring? How will he stop be overbearing and aggressive like his father was? He’s often trying to avoid the mistakes of his father and find his own way of bringing up his children.
#4: What If She Rejects Me?
“What happens if she rejects me?” That’s a thought that constantly goes through his head; at least until you’ve both become comfortable with each other. Not only does this apply to him asking you out in the first place; it also applies once you’re both in a relationship together.
What if he wants to have sex but you don’t? What if you stop finding him attractive? Those last two are familiar with women, but men feel just as strongly about it as we do.
#5: Will We Still Be Having Sex Further Into The Relationship?
How many times have you heard it mentioned that sex peters out over the course of a relationship? It’s not just you that’s concerned; he’s worried that six months down the line, he’ll be stuck in a relationship without anyone to share himself with and be intimate with. Remind him that you feel strongly for him, and that you find him attractive.
We all want to feel wanted, and being intimate is a strong indicator of that fact. Remind him often, and if sex does slow down, figure out why but don’t worry; there’s always a ‘honeymoon’ phase at the beginning of any relationship.
#6: Will I Lose Touch With Friends Once I’m In A Relationship?
A lot of friendships are lost due to a new relationship blossoming. A guy gets a new girlfriend, and wants to begin spending all of his time with her; what happens when he neglects his friends? His fear is that they’ll start to resent her (and him) and they’ll grow apart.
This one is a big fear, something that you should help reassure him of; you can both still see your friends, and perhaps even share friendship groups. Just because you two are now together shouldn’t mean you give up your own personal lives.
#7: Am I Ready For Something Serious?
As previously mentioned, society often views men who go from one fling to the next as the ideal lifestyle for a man, someone desired and wanted. What happens when he loses that status? Who is he then? After all, that’s the way society has deemed most desirable.
This is something that you can’t help him with. He needs to trust himself, and believe that what society and his friends think are cool isn’t the end result, and doesn’t define him as a whole person.
#8: Am I Good Enough For Her?
As boisterous and strong as he may seem, somewhere underneath that tough exterior, he’s just as insecure and sensitive as you. He wants to be accepted by you, your friends and your family.
When a couple get together, the pressure is often put on the man to live up to expectations, to ‘take care of daddy’s girl’, a sister, a best friend. He gets all manner of talks from your friends and family, and that puts quite a bit of pressure on him.
So it’s no wonder when he has doubts and fears that he might not achieve that level of responsibility. Make sure you comfort and reassure him that you love him no matter what, and that as long as he still tries hard, it’s more than enough for you.